George Carlin on Death
23 June 2008
“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating…and you finish off as an orgasm.”
“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they’re cramming for their final exam.”
“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.”
“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.”
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